


Autumnal Avengers

by Hannatude



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Apples, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Gen, Halloween Costumes, Humour, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Trick or Treating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2427929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannatude/pseuds/Hannatude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of oneshots depicting members of the Avengers in various seasonal situations.</p><p>First up: It's 2012, and Tony's just discovered the "Sexyvengers" costumes.</p><p> </p><p>  <b>- ON HIATUS UNTIL NEXT AUTUMN -</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tony and the Sexyvengers

**Author's Note:**

> No offence to anyone who has dressed as a Sexy Avenger; You all should know by now that Tony has no filter whatsoever. 
> 
> Also, if you want to dress up as your favourite Avenger, Jarvis' links will take you to their respective costume catalogues. 
> 
> All except Loki's, that is.

* * *

* * *

Tony Stark is bouncing off the walls, his mouth moving a mile a minute, eyes sparkling and spit flying.

  
It's not like that's a _new_ thing - it's a widely accepted theory that he bleeds pure caffeine, for goodness sake's - he has more energy than a chipmunk on speed.

  
The reason for his excitement?

  
Halloween.

  
While it's true that Stark loves a good party, that's not why he's currently chattering so fast that Doctor Banner is half worried he'll choke on his tongue.

  
No, Tony's excited because he found out about the officially licensed Avengers Halloween costumes.

  
Specifically the "Sexy" variants. Now, he was aware of the "Iron Ladies" - hell, _he'd_   been the one who designed the prototypes  _-_ but this?

  
This is new.

  
This is...

  
"This is Whore, goddess of thunderwear," He's waving a catalogue around as he paces. "And, um, Faptainess America."

  
"Is that what they're really distributing them as?" Bruce asks, his eye pressed to his microscope.

  
"What? Oh, the titles. Yeah, no, they totally should, though. Waaaay cooler than 'Sexy Thor' and 'Sexy Captain America' and all that shit. AND! There's kid's versions! Not of the sexy costumes, _obviously_ , but of us! Of our uniforms!" He flings himself into a rolling chair and glides across the lab floor, bumping into Banner's chair with a thud. Bruce twitches as he looks up at the other man.

  
  
"I wonder what Steve will say when he finds out." He remarks semi-jokingly as he exchanges the slide under his scope for a different one. He really hopes Steve _NEVER_ finds out.   
He can feel Tony's weight press on his shoulders as the hyperactive engineer climbs over him to grab _his_ pen from _his_ mug. He clears his throat and taps the post it note affixed to the mug:  
 **"This is Bruce's, Not Tony's"**

  
"I'm not taking your _mug_ , I'm taking a _pen_. And I think Spangles'll be fine. Remember the USO girls?" Tony replied, pushing off the side of the desk to send his seat shooting back to his own work station. Bruce merely sighs - he learned quite early on that, when dealing with Tony Stark, it was best to pick your battles carefully.  


And speaking of battles -

  
"Are there any, ah..." He stops as he realises he really doesn't want to know the answer. Either there _were_ Hulk costumes, which was a bit disturbing, or there weren't, and he was being left out of the hero craze.  
He's surprised at that - since when does he want the Hulk recognised as a hero, too?

  
  
"Hulks? Of course there are, Big Man. Check it out." Tony says, interrupting his thoughts. He looks up just in time to get a face full of glossy paper as Tony throws him the catalogue.

  
He's right; there are several different Hulk costumes - from infant sizes to a men's deluxe version with heavy padding to simulate muscles. He absently turns the page, lost in thought. When he doesn't turn to the next one after several long moments, Tony leans over and, seeing the page, makes one of his typical snarky remarks.

  
"That, my friend, is a woman. I know you haven't seen one lately, but trust me, they're far better in 3D. As in, real life." Doctor Banner ignores his friend's comment.

  
"Why would they go to the trouble of designing all of these? They won't sell any." He says, tossing the booklet towards the overflowing refuse bin.

  
Tony blinks for a moment before he realises what the scientist means. He massages the bridge of his nose before calling out, "Hey, JARVIS - can you get me the stats for Avengers Halloween Costume sales? Like, rankings."

  
"Yes, Sir. Would you like me to recite them aloud?" The AI's ever polite voice asks.  


"Sure, why not?" Tony says as he resumes his manic pacing.

  
"Current records state that [Thor](http://www.avengerscostumes.com/thor-costumes.html) is in first place, followed by various [Iron Man](http://www.avengerscostumes.com/iron-man-costumes.html) replicas. [Captain America](http://www.avengerscostumes.com/captain-america-costumes.html) and [Hulk](http://www.avengerscostumes.com/incredible-hulk-costumes.html) are tied for third best-selling-"  


"Wait - what?" Bruce asks, interrupting the AI's recitation. "That - that CAN'T be right."

  
"I KNOW!" Tony cries out in mock despair. "How is Point Break more popular than ME?!"

  
"That's... How is The Other Guy as popular as Steve?" Bruce asks in genuine bewilderment.

  
"Because people think you're awesome?" A calm voice drawls from the doorway. Both men turn as Clint Barton enters the room, his quiver slung casually over his shoulder. "I mean, c'mon, Bruce - you flung a freakin' Norse god around like a rag doll." He lays the quiver down on Tony's workstation and hooks his ankle around the man's empty chair, pulling it under him as he sits.  
"Hey, JARVIS - mind finishing that list?"

  
"Of course not, Agent Barton. In fourth place is [Agent Romanoff's](http://www.avengerscostumes.com/womens-deluxe-avengers-black-widow-costume.html) uniform-"

  
"...I figured. So it goes Thor, Stark, Cap and Banner, Tash, and then me? I can deal with that."  
He says with a shrug.  


"..I'm sorry, Agent Barton, but sales of [your uniform replicas](http://www.avengerscostumes.com/avengers-hawkeye-adult-muscle-costume.html) put you in seventh place." The three men all blink in confusion.

  
"Seventh?" Bruce asks.

  
"There are only six Avengers, J." Tony says, a note of concern in his voice.

  
"Yes, Sir, I am aware of that." The AI's voice becomes blatantly apologetic as it continues.  
"I'm sorry, Agent Barton, but it appears that the sales of your uniform replicas rank below those of replications of Loki's armour. Very far below."

  
"WHAT?!" All three men shout in disbelief.

  
"Yes - internet sales of the "[Trickster Bondage Set](http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2014/224/b/7/loki_avengers_cuffs_shackles_and_muzzle_by_elsarose-d7ux5xy.png)" are rather high."

  
"...I lost because of _FETISH GEAR_?!" Clint cries in outrage as Bruce and Tony begin laughing uproariously.

 


	2. Leftennant's Prompt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Lefty](http://archiveofourown.org/users/leftennant/pseuds/leftennant) prompted:
> 
> **_"Avengers Halloween party where they all dress up as each other. Bonus points if Tony goes as Thor. Even more points if you have Loki in it. For reals, yo."_ **

* * *

  
The city of New York was holding a Halloween costume banquet fundraiser, and had requested that an Avenger or two might be able to pop in as a special guest. Pepper, as the "vaguely official Avengers liazion person", (as entitled by one Mister Stark) after much cajoling and guilt-tripping, ("It's for a good cause, Doctor Banner!") promised them the _entire_ team.  
  
  


And then Thor was sucked up into the rainbow Floo network.  
  
  


"What do you mean, he's back in Asgard?!" Pepper hissed, clutching her StarkPhone to her ear, her eyes murderous. "He agreed to do this, he can't just back out now!"

  
"Chill, Pep. He didn't back out, he got abducted. It's all cool, though, I planned for this, just in case Space Vikingland needed it's Hammerman back. Don't worry about anything, deep breaths, we're cool." Tony ended the call and cracked his knuckles - he had work to do.  
  


* * *

 

"What is that." Tony spun around in his chair, trying to hide his project behind his back as Pepper Potts stalked towards him, her heels clicking on the oil-stained floor.  
  


"What's what? There's nothing to see here, wow, that's a great dress, is it new?"

  
"No, it isn't new, I bought it a month ago. What are you working on, Tony? The banquet is tonight, and -" She glared at Tony as Thor entered the room. "You said he was in Asgar-Wait..." Upon further inspection, she realised that Thor seemed... _Off_.

  
  
"He _is_ in Asgard." Tony said with a sigh. "It's a morphsuit with a hologram emitt..." He stopped at the look in Pepper's eyes. "It's a Thor costume, okay? A super high tech Thor costume. And this," He gestured to the workbench behind him, "Is a lightweight scale replica of Mjölnir. Well, I say lightweight, but it's still pretty heavy. Are you even listening to me, Pepper?  
Look, couldja please stop staring at the pseudo thunder god, it's making me feel inferior. And you know that inferiority gives me hives-"

  
"He's... short."

  
  
"Oh, thanks." Clint's voice rang out as he disengaged the Perception Filter, (named such after a _very scientific_ round of Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock between Bruce and Tony) turning off the illusion and leaving him standing there in a thin grey unitard.

  
A very _tight_ thin grey unitard.

  
  
"Great, it works. Now strip." Tony reached out and made grabby hands. "C'mon, Legolas, get with the clothing removal. We've got - why are you just standing there?"

  
  
"I'm not stripping down to my skivvies in front of your girlfriend, Stark! No offence, Pepper."

  
  
"None taken." She said, her smile reassuring. "I'll turn my back." She turned, taking a deep breath. She and Natasha were going to have a _long_ chat one of these days...

  
  
"So, wait - who's going to wear this "Thor costume", Tony?"

  
  
"That would be me." Pepper blinked and began laughing, tears falling down her cheeks. "Oh, what, why is that funny? No, seriously, why?"

  
  
"You're... You're even sh-shorter than Clint!" She dissolved into helpless giggles, grabbing the edge of the workstation to keep from falling over.

  
  
"I told you it wouldn't work." Clint said, tossing the suit at Tony's head.  
  


* * *

 

The banquet went swimmingly. Pepper, in her gorgeous [peacock gown](http://www.wasabifashioncult.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Peacock-Print-Dressing-Gown.jpg), made a short speech apologising for Thor's absence, and quite a bit of money was raised for New York's inner city schools.  
  


* * *

 

One week later, Stark Industries threw its _Harvest_ Party. ("It's called being PC, Tony." "Pretty sure it's called being a Fun-sucker, actually, but whateves.")

  
  
Thor had returned from Asgard ("Twas only a land dispute." He assured them, after he had all but ruined Pepper's carpet with bloodstains) so once again, Tony didn't get the chance to wear his Thor costume. (The Mjölnir replica was used in quite a few elaborate pranks - by Thor, of all people, who seemed to have developed a puckish side during all of those years of getting in and out of trouble with Loki.)

  
  
As a result, a credibly tipsy Jack Sparrow was making his rounds while the Asgardian drapery-clad thunder god and his similarly garbed girlfriend, Doctor Jane Foster, slipped out on to the balcony to dance under the stars.

  
  
Sam Wilson won the award for "Most Unexpectedly Awesome Costume" by showing up dressed as (ex)Director Fury and eventually proceeding to have a drunken screaming match with Rhodey, who was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt and was draped in rubber snakes.

  
  
Natasha and Pepper won "Best Not-a-couple Couples Costumes" for dressing as each other.

  
  
Clint had apparently not received the "Dress as a (different) Avenger" memo, (or, like Tony, he just didn't care) as he was dressed in a green leather hoodie, green tight trousers, green gloves and bracers, a long bow and a quiver full of green fletched arrows.  
  


" _Really_ , Barton?"

  
"IT'S A GREAT SHOW, OKAY?!"

  
  
Bruce politely declined his invitation, informing his friends that one party a month was his limit.

  
  
Steve was wearing a copy of his spangly USO stage uniform, with Sharon Carter dressed in the spangly USO girl uniform. There were many wolf-whistles aimed at the two of them.

  
(Mostly from Tony.)

  
Darcy Lewis (Jane Foster's ex-college ex-intern, who had quickly climbed up the ranks of SI after being offered a position) was dressed as (Hipster) Princess Leia, and her plus one was kitted out as Han Solo. Tony couldn't quite put his finger on it, but every so often, when he saw him from out of the corner of his eye, he'd swear Darcy's boyfriend Luke ("Ironic, isn't it?") looked familiar...

  
Of course, that _could_ have been the mead's fault.  
  


* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can find all the nerdy/Lefty references, I will give you a freakin' cookie. 
> 
> (Yes, even to you, Lefty.)


	3. Ihateallergies' Prompt: Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ihateallergies prompted:
> 
> **"Steve wants to go bobbing for apples because that's still a thing people do 70 years later. Almost nobody else wants to because 70 years later, people realize just how gross it is to stick their whole head into a tub filled with the saliva and dandruff of everyone else (and also, they're adults, sort of). Bonus points for Darcy cuz I love Darcy."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took SO LONG for me to write, because friggin' **TONY STARK** kept running away with the plot. 
> 
> You really ought to be ashamed of yourself, Stark. 
> 
> ...Of course.

* * *

  
It was the Autumn of 2015, and Captain Steve Rogers just wanted to show his friend Bucky that some things hadn't changed. What better way than to have a "vintage" Halloween party?  
They could carve pumpkins - they hadn't done than since they were kids - and Steve had fond memories of Bucky's eyes twinkling (as he winked at the USO girls) before ducking his head into a tub of water to catch an apple.

  
Unfortunately, it seemed that little holiday traditions (like bobbing for apples) were _yet another_ thing of the past.

  
" _I get what you're trying to do, Spangles, and you know I'm all for throwing a party for no good reason, but... We don't do that kind of thing anymore. I mean, I'm all for exchanging spit with perfect strangers - OUCH! Steeeeeeeeeeve, Pepper hit meeee..._ "

  
  
" _I'm totally on board for this, Cap, but I gotta tell ya - really don't think bobbing for apples is going to go over well with the rest of the team. Especially with the people who have to bob after Tony - have you SEEN how much product he puts in his hair? Talk about leaving a bad taste in your mouth!_ "

  
  
" _Sorry Steve - submerging my head tends to make the Other Guy nervous... And I really need to work on this paper for the Science Journal._ "

  
  
" _Those are children's games, Rogers_."

  
  
Just when he was about to give up hope, Darcy Lewis bounded over to him and began poking his chest.

  
"Hey. Hey, Steeeeve. Hey."

  
"Yes, Miss Lewis?"

  
"Oh my gosh, seriously, stop calling me that. I've told you, like, a bajillion times - I'm just Darcy. Try it: Daaaaaaar. Sssseeeeeeeeee." She continued poking him as she babbled.

  
"Could you stop doing that Mi- Er, Darcy?" She nodded and flashed him a thumbs up.

  
"So I heard you wanna throw a hipster Halloween bash. Sounds rockin' cool, I'm _so_ there - just gimme the deets." Steve narrowed his eyes and studied the young brunette. He had had a few years now to acclimate to the 21st century - he could navigate the internet like a pro, (pro as in "proficient") and just recently understood at least fifty percent of one of Stark's impromptu "SCIENCE!" rants.

  
But Darcy Lewis still confused the living daylights out of him.

  
"The, ah... 'Deets'..?" She nodded.

  
"Yup. Details. When, where, whaddya want me to bring - them's the deets." She smiled, her bright red lips reminding him of Peggy. A momentary pang of sadness shot through his heart, but he squashed it down. He wasn't alone - he had the Avengers; and, after almost a year of waiting, watching, and searching, Bucky was back, too.

  
"I was just hoping to put together a small event, M- Darcy," He saw her smile widen as he caught himself. "Bucky's still not all that comfortable around the team outside of battle, and I'd really like to change that."

  
"Sooo... You're saying it's an Avenger's only thing."

  
"It's... I don't know if it's even going to happen, actually. It seems like no one's willing to g-"

  
"Hey, excuse me, what the _hell_ am I, chopped liver?! I'm freakin' asking for an invite, here, for goodness sakes. Now, tell me when and where this is all going down!" Steve sighed.

  
"Six thirty on the thirty-first; we won't get many trick-or-treaters, if we get any at all... It's basically a SHIELD compound - not many kids in the area." She nodded slowly, and Steve could have sworn he saw the wheels in her head turning.

 

* * *

Two Weeks Later

* * *

 

  
"Buck, wouldja get the door?" Steve called from his seat at the table. "It's Miss Lewis!"

  
"You mean Darcy, Steve. Call her Darcy." He heard his friend put down the book he had been reading and get up out of his chair. "That time in the ice give you a mental block or something?"

  
"Shut up and get the door, Barnes." Steve stood as he finished oiling his gun and went to place it in the gun safe with the others.

  
  
"Okay guys, we're here - remember what you're supposed to say when they open the door?" With his enhanced senses, Steve could hear Darcy's low voice, followed by a group of high-pitched stage whispers.

  
"TWICK OR TWEET!"  
"No, Ben, it's t _ **R**_ ick or t _ **R**_ eat - say your 'R's!"  
"Shut up, Joey, Ben's just a baby and he can't talk good!"  
"No, you shut up, Ava! You're so stupid!"  
"Joey, don't talk to her like that."  
"All of you had better shut up, or -"

  
"What the he- hec-" Bucky sputtered in surprise.

  
_**"TRICK OR TREAT!"** _

Steve blinked in surprise at the mass of costumed children clustered around his best friend.

  
"Datha wreal meddle awm?" A little boy - Ben, judging from the lack of 'r's - asked, his eyes as wide as Steve's shield. He was wearing some sort of robot costume and was clinging to Bucky's legs like a leech.

  
"Uh... Yes?" Bucky replied, looking from the child to Darcy in complete confusion. She opened her mouth to explain when-

  
"OH MY GOSH, IT'S CAPTAIN AMERICA!" An older boy with unruly brown curls crowed, throwing himself at Steve. "I AM YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!" His Captain America costume helped to back up his claim.

  
"Joey, that's impolite!" Hissed the oldest child, a girl who looked about ten or so. She was  
dressed as...

"Hey, you're Dorothy!" Steve grinned in excitement.

  
"Yes Sir, I am. My name is Maggie. That's my brother, Joey," She pointed to the rowdy brunette with the frisbee emblazoned with a star, which Steve quickly confiscated. "My sister Ava is hiding behind Aunt Darcy's legs. Ben's that one," She gestured towards the boy clinging to Bucky. "And the baby is Lilly."

  
"Wow." A voice called from the doorway. "I haven't seen this many costumed midgets since I left the circus."

  
"Oh, come ooooon, Barton, _seriously_?! I wanted to make the first politically incorrect joke of the night! Not cool, man, not cool."

"Why are you even here, Stark?!" Clint asked.

  
"Because there's a party. _Duh_." Tony Stark strutted in and plopped down on the couch, ignoring the glare from Bucky as he knocked the other man's book off the coffee table with his armour-clad foot. "Hey, little people. Gather 'round your Uncle Tony for scary story time while the other adults help your aunt get the shit out of her car." Maggie gasped glared daggers at him.

  
"That's a bad word! ...And you aren't our uncle." Tony shrugged.

  
"Look at my face, Alice. Does it look like I'm bothered?"

  
"I'm not Alice - I'm Dorothy!"

  
"Again - look at my face."

  
"Tony, play nice with the other kids, or I'm taking you home." Pepper admonished dryly as she walked into the house, smiling apologetically at Steve, Bucky, and Darcy. "I tried my hardest, but he got into the candy anyway."

  
"Oh, please be kidding." Clint groaned, walking up the step with a cardboard box in his arms. "Because if Stark is hopped up on sugar, I am dropping this box and getting the he..." He caught himself. "Heck out of here."

  
  
"Nope, you're helping." Darcy announced, depositing Lilly into Pepper's arms. She bent down to detach her youngest nephew from Bucky's legs and sent him running to the den to meet Iron Man.

  
"So... You guys ready to throw a Halloween party?"

* * *

 

"That... Was exhausting. And insane. And probably the most fun I've had since the Forties." Bucky grinned as he flopped into his chair.

  
  
"You bet it was." Steve agreed, taking a sip of the mulled cider Bruce had dropped off on his way to deliver his paper to Doctor Selvig for editing. ("His place is on the way, so I figured I might as well stop by.")

  
  
About an hour after Darcy, her crew and her "friend/minion-with-a-large-vehicle-and-ability-to-carry-stuff" Clint (Tony and Pepper's appearance was a complete coincidence) had arrived, Natasha showed up to carve pumpkins.

_  
"Hey, Clint - It's just like Budapest."_

_"...The heck were you smoking in Budapest that causes you to remember it so very differently than I do?"_

_"Ooo - is this THAT kind of party?"_

_"No, Stark."_

  
  
At around 7 pm the doorbell rang and in walked Agent Carter, who was also dressed as Dorothy (much to Maggie's annoyance). The next guest to arrive was Sam Wilson, dressed as a Jedi, complete with a purple lightsaber.

_  
"I could make one of those that actually works, you know."_

_"No, Stark."_

  
  
Just as Darcy had been about to return her "borrowed munchkins", Agent - Director, rather - Hill stopped by, rolling her eyes as Tony tossed her an eyepatch on her way out.

_  
"I refuse to acknowledge you as Director unless you put that on."_

_"Goodnight, Mister Stark."_

_"I'm super serious, Agent Hill."_   
  
_"No, Stark."_   


"You remember the last time we went to a party?" Steve asked lightly as he settled into his spot on the sofa.

  
Bucky turned to look at his best friend and winked as he took a bite of his apple, his eyes twinkling. Steve began to laugh.

  
He remembered it, all right.

**Author's Note:**

> This is partially factual information- 2012 WORLD costume sales ranked the most popular (male) costumes as being Thor, Iron Man, Cap and Hulk as the top four, while Batman got number five. 
> 
> In contrast, sales of Hawkeye costumes were so low that he didn't even make the top twenty. :(


End file.
